Meh, getting ready for bed, but I thought I'd share the current 20 songs running on my playlist. Just incase anyone might be curious about what I'm listening to...I have WinAmp running ALL day...so basically even when I'm not here...the songs keep going and going...

1. Johnny Cash - Hurt
2. Tom Petty - Running Down a Dream
3. Aha - Take on Me
4. Mike and the Mechanics - Silent Running
5. Talk Talk - It's My Life
6. REM - Everybody Hurts
7. Tom Waits - Downtown Train
8. Sting - Fragile
9. Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World
10. The Who - Behind Blue Eyes
11. America - Horse with No Name
12. Alphaville - Forever Young
13. Yes - Owner of a Lonely Heart
14. Elton John - Rocket Man
15. Bob Dylan - The Man In Me
16. Rolling Stones - Sister Morphine
17. Dire Straights - The Man Is Too Strong
18. Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth
19. White Snake - Here I Go Again
20. Dire Straights - I Want My MTV

Well, like the title says..Otacon is nearing, next week infact. I'm a bit excited, but with that comes my dread of something going wrong and messing things up. It seems to always happen that way. So far, Molly is driving us up..and if somehow this gets messed up, I honestly won't bother with her ever again. Not to be mean or anything..but I need to have that strength with people..and that's what happened last year. So let's hope no one screws up. My mom is driving us back, which is a good thing..because Molly has to leave early, and Ben's parents are on vacation..and otherwise I'd have to wait for Sean's parents..and as usual, I really don't even feel like looking at Sean at the moment.
Honestly, you would have thought after over a month of not speaking with him, that he would have curbed his attitude a little, but nope..not at all. I think it's just a lack of understanding why I don't make it on Fridays..which is generally a bad day for me to try to plan things anyway. No big deal to me...it's his loss if he wants to push me.
Since Bob passed my Suikoden 2, I literally have not been able to stop playing it. It's such a great RPG...it's no wonder it demands such a high price on EBay...even if it truely isn't reasonable for any game to cost THAT much. I'm nearing the end of it now..and have been paying a bit more attention to the plot this time, and have enjoyed it more this time than I did when I probably got it.

I've went back and sorted through all of my characters, splitting out the medieval character from the sci-fi. I will admit..all of the Suikoden playing ( I played through 1 last week ) has inspsired me to fully organize my medieval world..and truely map out each kingdom and set up the ranks and generals and plots. Hopefully I can actually get somewhere with it..it's alot of people, but it spans over a few different plot lines, so it's fair. Hopefully I can actually come up with unique looks for the people of the different lands too.

That's about all for now...I'm going to my dad's just for the night tomorrow..and heading to work from there..I've got all weekend to work, and all day sunday, so I won't be doing much other than that.

I haven't posted in awhile have I? Well...things have been a little busy here. We have new windows being put in..which has been such an improvement on my room. The AC actually makes the room cold now, and there isn't a pocket of hot air around my bed. No more flying bugs too..that kept getting in from one of the old ones. Imagine laying down sleeping..and seeing a lightining bug fly past your bed. Yes..very lame...not to mention the wasps and mosquitos...All gone now. I can sleep in peace, I love it.
Work has been good. I will flat out admit I hate working in retail, but I get alot done, and mostly everyone seems to like me. Even the manager I thought I'd dislike, wound up being my favorite, and almost always has good things to say to me. So yeah, it's working out despite me really not enjoying doing it. I'm trying to keep with drawing..and began organizing a few other ideas, and did some pretty nice sketches, so at least I'm not so drained that I can't work on it.

I found Suikoden 2, which I had been searching for a copy of...I lent it to someone ( can't remember who ) and that person just never returned it. So...that means it was effectively stolen from me. The game runs for 250 dollars on E-bay, but it turns out Bob has it..and I'll give him 60 for it after Otacon. He seemed to think if he left it with me before I paid him, that I'd beat it and give it back...big mistake..I beat it years ago, and still have my file..I just want the game because I loved it..and it needs to be back in my collection.

The "gang" I have is starting to annoy me..just because they can't seem to respect my need for rest. Look, you can consider me lazy if you want..because I refuse to take the trip to Sean's house on Friday night, because I'm working Friday and Saturday..but that's just a difference in our work ethics. I NEED to rest up and relax before I go to work, and on days were I work one after the other, I don't go out inbetween...you just have to wait for a day off, and not one in the middle of 2 day blocks of work. If you don't like it, deal with it. Seriously, I don't like being pressured like I'm somehow doing something wrong, just because I'm not up for doing what Josh does. Good for him, I'm glad he has that much enegery. I don't.
And then I get how " Oh Molly misses you" Welll....Molly knows were I live..she knows my number, and has my SN...if she wants to keep talking with me, she has the means to. I'm not completely untouchable..I just don't fricken want to go out while I'm working!!!!!
Grrr...sorry for ranting..but I'm just overly annoyed with the complete lack of understanding I seem to be getting ( Except Ian, he thought it was alright. )
I'm sorry our schedualles don't match up, but there isn't anything I can do about that..I deal with it, and you all will have to as well. Besides..I'm going to be trying to see my father more than I had before, so Fridays will be exceptionally bad for me now. That's just the way it is.....And I refuse to feel guilty anymore, I'm not slighting anyone...and for a bit, I myself felt slighted since none of them all mentioned my birthday when it came and went...I didn't want a party or anything, but some recognition would have been nice...Or do I have to be like Sean and throw myself a party to ensure everyone knows? Meh..I sounded mean with that..I didn't intend to..but it was a rough bit for me, my first week of work and It went through my b-day, Live 8, and the 4th of July..I missed out on all of that, and basically just slept and worked.
I'm just wanting to not be hounded when I'm working is all...I like everyone still I just don't have the same energy I had before.
Eh...yeah..I ranted too much..but it's just frustrating when you think that no one really wants to understand, and writes you off as lazy because you don't want to go out of your way...

Full Name: Jason Charles Prohorchuck

Nicknames: Taro ( Self given, don't know if anyone actually uses it )

Single or Taken: Single

Sex: Male

Birthday: 07/01/83

Sign: Cancer

Siblings: One

Eye color: Brown

Shoe size: Twelve

Height: Somewhere around six foot or six one or two? Not sure

What are you wearing right now: Black Jeans and a Black T-shirt

Where do you live: Fishtown

Righty or lefty: Right

Who are your closest friend(s)?: Sean, Josh, Ben, Ian, Angela

Best place for a date: I've always wanted to just go on the ferry that goes across the river to the Aquarium. It's in the middle of the water, and the breeze is really nice. I think good conversations could come from that setting, and we could walk to South Street or something from there, or down further to the movies I suppose.

Where is your fav place to shop? Showcase Comics , Out of Time Comics, Got Game , EB


--favs--

Color: Purple ( Always has been my favorite, don't care what you think )

Number: 3

Boys Name: My bosses name is Cyde Arcano...you just don't get much cooler than that. Except maybe a girl Alex used to date..her dad's name was Xenon Guardiash or something...they sound like Rp character names.

Girls Name: Samantha , Rachel , Adele

Subject in school: Character Design ( College ) , Creative Writting ( High School )

Animal: Sting Ray

Drink: Coke

Sport: Before I busted up my knee, I used to like to play hockey in gym.

Food: Usually any sort of chicken, but Pizza is my prefered lunch

Month: Feburary

Band: Talk Talk , Aha , Gypsy Kings , The Doors , Dire Straits

Movie: Gladiator , Hero , Fight Club , The Big Lebowski

Juice : Cherry ( Though I hate how it stains my lips )

Finger: My pointer finger, I use it alot.

Breakfast: Frosted Flakes ( Followed closely by plain Captain Crunch, or an Everything Bagel )

aftershave/perfume: None

Favorite cartoon character: Optimus Prime , Batman , Wolfwood ( Trigun ) , Alfonso ( FullMetal Alchemist ), Raven ( Teen Titans ) , Slade ( Teen Titans ) , Starfire ( Teen Titans )

Have you ever-

Given anyone a bath: No

Smoked: Never

Bungee Jumped: No

Made yourself throw-up: No

Gone skinny dipping: No

Been in the opposite sex's bathroom: Accidently a few times

Eaten a dog biscuit: No, but when I was younger I was tricked into eating one of those beef jerky sticks for dogs..told it was a slim jim

Got your tongue stuck to a pole: I'm not an idiot.

Loved someone so much it made you cry?: Haven't lived to you have...even then, you dont feel like living at that point in time.

Broken a bone: Never ever ever.

Played truth or dare: A few times

Been in a physical fight: More than I talk about or care to remember

Been in a police car: In the back of one once, our car broke down and he gave us a ride to a gas station, in style.

Come close to dying: Twice. Once nearly drowning in the ocean, and once from an an asthma attack that put me in the hospital

Been in a sauna: No

Been in a hot tub: Yes, Alex's sister splashed me in the face with the water, thinking it was a pool.

Swam in the ocean: yes..If you haven't you should just end your life now.

Fallen asleep in school: Nearly every single American History class with Mr. Corson. It wasn't anything personal, I just could never make it through the class without a nap

Ran away?: No, but I always wanted to, and want to leave everything behind.

Broken someone's heart: I sure hope not

Cried when someone died: Yes

Flashed someone: No

Cried in school: No

Fell out of your chair: Many times, Once I sat in a chair that collapsed under me, apparently it was broken.

Sat by the phone all night waiting for a call: A few times, the calls usually never came too

Saved AIM conversations: Yes, I usually save any good convo, and many many Rp logs

Saved e-mails: Many times.

Fallen for your best friend?: Well...the few female friends I've had, that I fell for never had the same feelings...so I kept them to myself and let the feelings die.

Been cheated on? I've never really had a real girlfriend


First thing that comes to mind

Red: Sunset

Blue: Sky

Autumn: New Beginings

Cow: Chocolate Milk

Greenland: Cold

Cat: My Dizzy

Nickel: Silver

Elbow: Drop

What is.. ----------->

Your good luck charm: My vest

Whats your room like: A terrible mess, that even when cleaned self destructs and becomes a mess again.

Last thing you said: See you in the morning.

What is beside you: my Gameboy Advance, my brush, a small fan which is on medium, a glass of iced tea, the sketch I'm working on, and a candle with a mirror attatched to the back of it.

What kind of shampoo do you use?: We usually get matching fruit type Shampoo and Conditioner, I prefer the coconut ones

Somethin that has happened to you this year: Nearly died from an asthma attack.

Had Chicken pox: Yeah, when I was much younger, I remember using an oatmeal type soap during it.

believe in love at first sight?: I hope so

Like picnics: I do enjoy sandwhiches, and I imagine a basket full of them, on a sunny day with someone else would be nice.

Like school: I liked some of the people at schools. I think the entities themselves don't really care on the admin level, and the teachers struggle to make a difference while they get their throats slit by the higher ups who don't understand or care.

What schools: I feel that way about both Central High School and the Art Institute of Philadelphia ( What a joke )

Loved anyone: Yes, though the ones who I've really been around and felt that way have never loved in return.

Would you-------------->

Eat a live hamster: Never

Go to a hanson concert: Also Never

Kill someone you didn't know for 15 billion dollars: If the person lived a life and intentionally hurt others, then yes. But an innocent person, or someone who really didn't bother anyone, no. In the first case, you can keep the money as long as I can get away with it.

If you were stuck on an island, who would you want to be there with you?: Well..for friends, Josh probably..because I think my sense of comedy would keep us sane. But..I'd prefer it to be with a girl..I wont say any names though, for fear of embarassment.

If you loved someone and you were keeping something from them and it would hurt them if they found out, would you tell the truth: If it's that important, than yes. It will only get worse if you don't..and the truth always has a way of coming out.


Who Was the last person................

you touched?: I thwaped my sister on the head for waving a spoon of red Jell-o over a sketch I was doing.

You massaged: God..I think I gave a girl I liked a foot rub back in 8th grade...shows how active my love life is. ::Sighs::

you kissed: No one

You yelled at: My stepdad ( Snapped at him after a long day of work )

Who told you they loved you: No one..cept maybe my dad, he says that all the time when a conversation ends, then adds that he had to incase he dies tomorrow. Great way to end a convo...

Is your loudest friend: Sean


Do you/Are You:

Do you like filling these out: Only if someone reads it and actually takes intrest. Otherwise no, I think it's a waste of time.

Do you wear contacts or glasses: No, but I'm often wearing sunglasses

Do you like yourself: Yes, I think I'm a person people can rely on, and see as someone who always lives as he belives he should..People like me, and they want me around them..

Do you get along with your family: Despite our fights, we all have a deeper understanding of eachother..in a way, we truely need eachother.

Do you do drugs: No, and I'm very iffy on taking medicines too, except allergy pills when I'm a mess.

Have piercing below the waist?: No

Obsessive?: Yes..I can get that way often.

Anorexic? Ha ha..I like to eat

Depressed? Only when I let myself.

Suicidal? Never


Final questions-

How many ppl are you sending this to: Anyone who comes across and reads it.

What are you listening to right now: Highway to the Danger Zone ( The theme from Top Gun )

What did you do yesterday: Worked, stocked the Electronics wall.

Hated someone in your family: Yes..I often hate my uncle for what he puts his family through.

Got any awards: I've gotten a few in my time

do you want to get married: Besides my art, this is the second most important thing to me. Yes.

If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change: Honestly? I'd loose the extra weight I got and be buff. I don't know why..but I just think it would be cool..I hate to feel superficial..but come on..it would be bas ass...

Good actor: Absolutely..especially voices

Good Singer: Very few get to hear me sing, Angela heard me sing Desperado once, and insists it was nice, Everyone else disagreed.

Have a lava lamp: Yes, it's purple.

How many remote controls are in your house/apt: About twelve

Are you double jointed: No

What do you dream about: Ha ha ha...well...usually I have dreams about being in high school or grade school again, with those people..and now and then those more private dreams. Thankfully those don't involve school.

time you showered: Yesterday morning ( My plans got canceled this morning so I went back to bed and just was lazy all day )

The last movie you saw at the theatres: It actually might have been Hero with my uncle...

coke or mountain dew: Coke is my favorite soda, but on these really hot days Mountain Dew is better to cool off and wake me up at work.

Mud or Jell-O wrestling: Jell-O...hopefully Lime or Cherry

Silver or Gold: Silver

Diamond or pearl: Diamond

Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset...the sky looks so nice.

Phone or in person: In Person, a few exceptions though

Oldest, middle, youngest or only child: Oldest

I haven't posted in awhile..not sure why, mind has been going alot lately.
Anyway..work has been going well. So far I get along with everyone there, which I figure was to be expected, since I'm pretty easy going.
I picked up a shirt with the Venom symbol on it..it looks really bad ass, and everyone at work thought it was pretty cool.
I was actually trying to get the skull shirt from the Punisher movie, but it turns out that style of skull was only out as a promotion for the movie, so they didn't have any..and had no idea were I'd be able to get one.
Not a big deal really..I'll live either way, but I think I will begin to greatly expand my shirt collection after Otacon, with working and all I can spare 20 for a new shirt now and then. Hook myself up with a slew of cool shirts..and then people will think I'm even cooler than I already am. ^_^

Working on art stuff too..came up with an origin for one of my characters ( He really needed one..he had just sort of been around until then ) ..and began revamping his design during break today.
Well..I've got work in 10 hours..and want to play Champions of Norath : Return to Arms a little bit before bed, so adios people.

About to head back to work, but I figured I would post real quick before I headed out. Live 8 is today, so I'm hoping buisness will be slower. Yesterday was awfully busy, but at least we apparently sold far more than our goal for the day. I wound up working on restocking the shelf Josh labeled..I'm hoping I'll be able to finish it entirely today...that depends if Steve can leave me to do it instead of making me deal with customers AND was the games that weren't in security cases yet.
My birthday came and went..barely felt like it happened at all. I suppose it's a sign I'm truely getting older. Went to dinner Thursday night for it, wich was really nice..this Itallian place that was really good. But other than that...a few of my Rp friends wished me a happy birthday and that was it ( Jessy included of course )
No big deal though..reminds me that I shouldn't dwell on such things anyway. Knees hurt..I had to keep squatting down to check the lower shelves for EA games..which turned out making my bad knees rather sore. I'll live. Gonna grab some food then head out.

I swear I thought today was Wednsday. I spent the day wandering about the house, sorting through some junk in my room, thinking I only had one day left to this long weekend of work. But it's not..so I have two days.
Emily looked at me and corrected me on what the day was, to which I raised a fist in the air in victory over space and time!
Played a good bit of Tekken 5 today..trying to get Raven to Tekken Lord rank, and buy this robot mask thingy for him. Shouldn't take too much longer, and it REALLY is a good game..and deserves to have me play it more. Lots for me to get in it still too. I wound up playing Virtua Fighter 4 : Evolution for entirely too long.
It's a good game and all..but what a dull roster of characters. Besides Kage ( a ninja ) there really isn't anyone who stands out as anything interesting..except maybe Lei Fei ( bald monk ) and Shun ( Old drunken Master ), oh..and Lau ( A mean looking asian guy, who is also a chef ). Lau is probably my favorite..everyone else really bores me to tears.
Meanwhile..in Tekken..I have a huge variety..for example, earlier today I said " Wow..I'm a ninja getting punched into the air by a polar bear weaeing sunglasses and an intertube."
Much better.
Anyway, I've been using Marvel's style of bios for their characters to do my own. It's alot more work than I realized, but in doing it I've really fleshed out some of the backstories and storylines more..involving other characters, adding more to the web of a plot that links everyone together.
Other than that..I'm just waiting for some packages to get here..and told my mother I'd like to go out to dinner Thursday for my birthday...since I won't be getting home from work till late Friday night.

Well..all things considered, I thought I did very well yesterday. We got their at eight and had training till eleven. Then the three of us newbs got lunch and came back to start when the store opened at twelve.
After that..we basically worked straight until closing at five. I was slightly bothered that because we had lunch before work, we got no break at all. Just because it meant I was on the floor selling things and watching for thieves the entire time..which is killer on the feet. I suppose you get used to circling, checking the shelves every hour, and greeting every customer that enters your "zone"..but I still think it was a bit excessive..mainly in my case because they told me beforehand they would keep me with Josh the first day...so I could watch and see how he did things..and they wound up sending him elsewhere mostly the entire time. So...while Josh got to explain alot to me, I wound up doing the whole section alone most of the day...alot of times it got bothersome..because I still didn't know alot..like were they keep the systems, what deals they have going on..and I had to keep going to the front desk to ask. And to top it off I wound up having to vacume nearly the entire store before they closed up...( Josh did the last part when he came out and I was moving the cord around some ). I don't know..I understand it's work and money and all..but I would have liked a bit more of a relaxed mood my first day..not being stuck figuring things out on my own and running around. I'm not blaming anyone or anything..just saying It was a bit much for my first day. I hope that somehow my efforts will have at least been noticed.

Anyway, it still is a nice job I suppose. The customers were all pretty okay, except for one guy who took way too long, and really started working my nerves..and a group of guys I had to watch for over a half hour..who really looked like they planned one stealing some thngs..( They kept looking through EVERY game on the shelves, while carring bags from EB, that already had DVD shaped boxes in them. I sold alot of stuff...and I think I did very well, so I'm happy with myself. I'm working the entire forth of July weekend..Fri, Sat, Sun, and Mon..which fucking sucks! I REALLY wanted to see if I could catch ANY of Live 8 on TV....or even catch a ride when my mom and John head down..now I'll be stuck in that store the whole time. That blows...but..whatever. I guess you have to let them make you into a bitch at times...In the least, bull like that makes me realize why I need to keep pursueing a job in the arts.

Okay..so..I got a few more pictures done today. Alot more than I have anymore, so that was really nice. I feel more refreshed..that is until late tonight, when a giant wasp attacked me. He flew around, charged and was struck down by my vest which I hastily slipped off. The body is missing..so..he might still be alive, crawling around..waiting for me to remove clothing parts and sleep..so he can attack. Little bastard.

Anyway...I've been watching the site with the new Samurai Shodown info. They have 42 squares open..and show six people a week. After looking it over, and making a list of whom I know is in it..I have 6 squares open..and no idea who they could be. Well I have some idea...Cham Cham, Earthquake, and Sieger didn't make the cut apparently..but they could take up three..Kuroko..the ref could be one, he has been playable before....Shiki and Asra now have 2d sprites..so they are possable..Or even some of the other 3d peoples who they would want to surprise everyone by dragging into 2d as they have already done with Shiki and Asra ( Both of whom would need to be redone anyway..since their sprites aren't SS style..and are more KOF stylized..and wouldn't fit in well at all. ).
Of course it could just be six new people..or five and a new boss..but they already showed three new people, and they are already calculated into my total, still leaving six spaces blank. God I love when I don't know who is going to be in a new game...always seeking something interesting. It will be a month or so till I find out I guess...worth the wait in my eyes. Then again..I'm droning on and on aren't I? And many of you probably could care less.

Soul Calibur 3's site is slow as hell. SS put up 12 characters in two weeks..ans SC put up..none. I keep checking back only to be let down. Bah..

Well..work starts Sunday, I'm getting slightly nervous.

So..Sean sent me a check today for the money he owed me. I was pretty surprised..but I guess that makes us even now. I feel bad how things turned out, even if it wasn't my fault..I honestly thought things would be resolved, and never predicted he would instead get mad at ME because I was pissed at him. Things worked out as they did though, and we shall see how things go from there.
I instantly ordered Emily's present..should be here next week.
Emily order my b-day present..which hopefully will get here by my birthday on next Friday.

I start work this Sunday..slightly nervous. Josh is going to grab me a copy of TimeSplitters : Future Perfect on Friday..I'm really hoping he manages to get it..it's ALOT cheaper than it would be if I had to get it later.

So anyway..my sister sent an E-mail to my dad, with a link in it..and for some reason AOL decided to TOS her and close our account. My mother called and fixed things..and all of our passwords were changed to some default thing. I fixed mine..and everyone else did theres...exept we never did the routers. So tonight, we lost our connection..and the router tried to re-establish it..using the old password, which lead to me loosing my internet till I figured it out. Anyway..they were fine, and no one really cared since they had theirs working.
So I had Josh tell a friend to call me since I couldn't sign back on ( We had been Rping, and I don't like leaving like that). She finally calls..and I hear slamming on my door, scaring my friend and making me have to hang up. Apparently they lost their internet again. And instead of being fucking smart..Mom assumes somehow I did it by singing on down there and telling a few people why I would be gone that night. To further piss me off..once they are back on ( less than 4 min later ) I ask if I can change the router's password back..realizing it would work if I did...I sign her off and do so, and she fucking flips out because I signed her off.
Fuck this...I'm telling her to appologize in the morning. I lost mine for hours..she looses hers for a few min and she yells and curses me out, wishing I didn't live with her anymore. I have two words for you " Fuck You ". No..seriously..as harsh as it may seem...She was completely out of line acting like that. It just goes to show you..when it comes to me, no one gives a shit..but the moment she is slightly bothered, everyone has to pay and be held responsable. Well guess what..I'll be paying board now..which means I am no longer living rent free..so..take your attitude and shove it. I've been the responsable one in this house far to often to be reduced to some hated figure everytime someone is in a bad mood.
Oh well..such is life. ::shrugs ::

The ending of a frienship is never an easy thing. But sometimes you just have to make a stand on something if you feel that strongly about it. Even if no one else understands, and let's this person slide constantly when his poor social skills lead to him saying things he really shouldn't.
Some people might take offense to me talking freely about this, and using names..but I really don't care..this is mine..and if I want to vent here, I will.
In any case...the situation regards my long time friend, Sean. Who as of yesterday, I would prefer not to have to actually see again, and apparently the feeling is mutual to a degree. The peak of the entire mess, is that Sean was left to order my sisters birthday present, because he owed me the money anyway, and he dropped the ball on it for almost a month and I made him cancel the order and said fuck it. It's already very late, I'll get it on my own, when I can get the money for it, since I'm willing to write off the 40 bucks and not bother with Sean again.
The problem was, after making him cancel the order..I was resonably pissed off, and opted not to see him for a week.
Unlike him and apparently the others..when I'm mad at someone, the last thing I want to do is sit down and "talk about things". I don't want to fucking see someone when I'm mad at them...it's that simple, and if you don't agree with me, keep your opinions on my methods to yourself. Everyone deals with things in different ways. If we hadn't been friends for so long, I'd likely want to hit him..so I see taking a break from being around him as a reasonable solution to avoiding wanting to hurt him.
Anyway, apparently when I brought it up last night..he insists I am wrong on all accounts. I'm not getting into the bullshit...avoiding responsablilty and trying to turn the situation around on me didn't help at all. And now things will follow this course..and I don't really care.
Sean has poor social skills..and often times he comes off as arrogant, and a bully of sorts. People right off the jerk off like things he says..and say it's his personality, that you should just get used to it because it's who he is. Well fucking good....if that's who he is than that's more the reason not to want to be around him. I don't need a friend who makes me feel stupid, who borrows games from me and NEVER gives them back, often times loosing or breaking them. ( War of the Monsters he replaced...Star Ocean 2 he broke, Suikoden 2 and Eirgheiz he flat out never gave back at all..probably are a few more that by now I don't even remember. ) And beyond that...someone who judges everything you do and has no problem trying to give you advice on things that you know he has no buisness in thinking he knows what he is talking about. ( Sean actually tried to give me relationship advice..imagine that. )
It's a sum of all these things..with a final straw that pushed me too far. We aren't kids anymore..so we can't always let everything go. Be it a rude comment..hitting a girl in the face with a bag of dice...hitting a friend in the head with a book..casually telling you "Fuck you" because you don't agree with him on YOUR characts action in D&D...belittling the fact that you might have other friends beyond him and his group...constantly whining to hang out when I don't have the money for the trip and really don't enjoy hanging out often....Being used to try to end a friends relationship only so he can force his way into it....Being coaxed to take sides against that same friend and listen to him really say cruel things about said person....Not to mention the little comments that go by now and then that make me feel inferior to him.
Do you really need a friend like that? Or should he grow up and realize how to treat people if he wants them to actually like being around him? I don't need it, and nore do I want it anymore. This may have been a long time coming..with the situation only getting worse and worse as I grew older and tried my best to act more mature, and he simply didn't change...and your just suppose to ignore his poor behavoir and put up with it.
I don't think so...If they all have a problem with me taking a stand..then that's a shame as well..but sometimes you just can't let things go..sometimes you have to do what's right for you, and make someone accountable for their actions.
I've ranted enough, but I really needed to get that out.

It's 6:30..the sun is up..and the birds are chirping loudly as usual...WHY AM I AWAKE?!?!
I keep picturing Lewis Black looking at things I'm doing and yelling at me. Like he is just disgusted with me being so stupid sometimes. Amusing if anything else..I do like Lewis Black after all.
NCSoft turned on my City of Heroes Account for the weekend..which was cool, I can only play it downstairs, and since my parents are basically vegetables infront of the computer anymore, I have to hope they go out to get to actually abuse the chance to play it for free for the first time in a year.
I made a character called The Anvil tonight, he was about 2 and a half foot tall..ridiculously buff and with dark metal black skin. He had super strength and such, and walked around in red shades with a big cigar sticking out of his mouth. He was actually really funny..he was just so small. I had him standing next to a box on a shelf in a warehouse. I kept having him pick on other heroes, but rarely anyone realized the comedy I was sharing.
Like..your employer stands in the office reading a newspaper..so..the Anvil was standing next to him, also reading the paper..and some other person ran in to get a job, and the Anvil yelles" Hey! Your fired buddy! Scram! Outta my office! " And he actually agrees and just runs off to do whatever. I guess the best moment ( Besides picking on the fact the Human Prawn was overly pink, and then threatening him when he said he'd go good with a side of butter) was when Anvil pulled out his boombox and started dancing in the office. Some guy I met earlier ran in and cheered me on..as the Anvil yelled" Yeah baby! Us Mutants don't do no work! We just party and drink..! Office party..! " And then telling another newcomer to go get some "broads".
I liked him....I just thought it was nice to have some serious personality played out. Get in character people!
" Anyone know how to do lvl. 20 cape quest? "
" Looking for lvl. 1 tanker"
Come on now...at least try and sound like your character and not some nerd....:: sighs ::
Anvil only asked for help once, and then he picked on the guy and thanked him for taking care of his light work.
That's what they need! More rich characters!
Oh well..hopefully Josh will aid me in ordering the few new sets of Stikfas I found..and I'll get somewhere with the designs I've been working on.
I'm going to go collapse now.

I haven't posted in awhile..I guess I'm in a sort of rut. I want to be doing something with myself, with all of this stupid art and these stories I keep coming up with and doing NOTHING with. I've tried to snare some others into working with me sometimes..but I am left with the ever present realization that A. I am not being taken seriously, and people agree to pacify me then hope I'll forget or move onto something else, or B. That the sad truth is, these people don't share my passion, that they won't and never will. That they agree because maybe they like the idea, but in the end are far too bus with their own lives to ever give it any serious thought.
Well fuck...I mean, I can respect that..to a degree..I just can't do this on my own!
I can't just get a job as a character designer and game developer. From everything I've been told you need to be a tester first, and I don't live close enough to any company to net such a job. But I mean..if I can get some serious people together..and put together a solid idea..all of the designs, stage layouts, all of the info...and sent that as a packaged item to a company..I mean..it's a shot..and I have enough faith in my concepts to think it's a good one..but fuck! I've got no one who will actually sit down with me and not only help me, but keep me on track too...my mind is a constant storm..once something frustrates me...since I have no one to help me through, I move onto something else.
I don't know what to do..who to look to. I have fucking artists for friends..I have people who are interested in the SAME things I need for these to become solid ideas...and yet I sit here with stacks of papers and a brain full of ideas that amounts to JACK SHIT.
My mom wasn't lieing when she said the art and designs are worthless...she was absolutely right. Because at the moment, they are nothing. Just sheets of paper..just like all the thousand or so others I have laying here making a mess. While everyone is working, or trying to make there place in the world..I am nothing, I'm trapped. I can give up on this all for now and get a normal job..or I can stay depressed and keep toiling over sketches that have no purpose...alone and unable to get what I need.
I'm just sick of it all...I'm sick of feeling this way, of being useless.
Everyday, the idea of just packing up and leaving sounds better and better. Life feels so stale and pointless. Nothing has changed since high school.

So, I've got the rough down for this big picture, and it would up taking 27 characters to properly cover the page. Most of which were randomly chosen from my big box of characters. Which means there are some people from my fighting game, some from my comic ideas, a few designs I did for friends, some medieval characters..all mized up in a nice group shot that's as tall as my torso. Well..sort of, more like my hips to my ears. It looks good, I'm happy with it..now I'm inking everyone in. I'd like to color them, but have no faith in my color pencils, and carry the dread that if I commit color to this paper, I could very well destroy this lovely picture. I could just use my cliche excellent shading and rendering skills on it..but I think color would be best...because there are some diverse people present...I'll sort through my color pencils and see how I feel about them first.

I got in a pretty loud arguement with my mother last night, which is pretty gratting on my nerves. To be fair, I understand blah blah blah about parents and my situation and such, but my current situation does no void the other things that go on. I am tired of her going on and on about how poor she is, while going out constantly and having a giant TV ( hi def ) and stereo system. If your so poor, go out less. I'm poor, I have maybe 50 cents to my name, which is WHY I DON'T GO OUT. God damn, travel along would take me about 5 bucks for up and back. I don't ask her for money because I feel guilty enough as is.
As for getting a job, I've been putting in applications and being turned down for over a year now at all sorts of lame retail establishments. People tell me it's because of my hair, well..I'm handsom, and I'm not about to loose my flowing locks just work at K Mart or something. They can kindly fuck off.
I think the whole thing stemmed from her saying the art I do is worthless since I'm not making money off it yet. She'd be happier if I was drawing tatoos for more of John's Itallian friends. Oh how lovely that would be..yes, I will only draw sports logos and celtic crosses for bikers and want to be bikers. Alright, that was a bit harsh, but you have to understand that those things are not my art style. I draw to give life to stories I write, Stories that when I find an in some day will be in the form of games or comics or whatever...I'm undecided on the format I'd want to share them to the world with, but as an avid gamer I'd think video games, purely because it's more like living them out. I understand that I could do this other stuff just to support myself, but I have little drive for it..I do not like doing it...it's a heavy responsability to create something that some person might have on their body for the rest of their life...a responsability I don't want.

Okay...sorry for the rant, that's why I have this thing though. Take care peoples.

I finally found a pic of Philemon from Persona 2. I have no idea what happened to the original icon I had, but it's gone, and I refound the Megaten board were a user had it as his avatar, but the user must be gone, because his avatar is gone now too. Eventually I found a screenshot from Innocent Sin with Philemon speaking, and just tried to clean up the pic some and get rid of the background. Either way, my icon is back to normal.

I had this neat idea for a sketch were I do a huge image of all of my characters ( Around 200 ). So it is going to take many sheets of paper, but I started it yesterday, kind of a towering image with row after row of people, this way they are all still big enough for all of the details to show. First row is roughed in, and I like it so far, starting the second today.

I cannot find my Philemon Icon. After I got done being silly with the Lucifer thing, I wanted to go back to the Philemon Icon that fits my journal name, but it's nowhere to be found. I have no idea were I moved it, or what I renamed it to. Ridiculous, that's what this is. Stupid computer....stupid me for naming it some jibberish no doubt.
Anyway, I went to get some comics yesterday...and I collect Exiles, which I have almost all 60 issues of. So It's been three weeks, I go to get issue 61..and what do I find....Issue 63?! How?!
Well..I don't know how..two came out fast and the back issues were sold out. How cruel.
Anyway..I don't know..I'll have to go to Fat Jack's and see if they have it, despite the fact I hate shopping there.
Went to Ian's last night, and got to see Adam. It's good to see him..I worry about him from time to time, just because I wish I could be of more use to my friends. Adam is a good guy, and I get this image of the world pushing him around..makes me want to give the world a good gutter ball ( Punch to the stomach ). The comic he has been doing is really amazing...I wish he would get it published and make himself some money so he could live like he deserves...oh well.
I'm revamping the old designs from Ben's D&D game...doing Ian's first...looks so much better than the one from 2 years ago.
God...it's so hard to belive that much time has passed..what am I doing with me life? I'm still not in school, I'm still rather alone...So many mistakes, I need to make some changes soon.

It is truely an amazing day when I am awake before noon. It's truely been an amazing week when for three days I'm up that early..and I owe it all to two families of birds that have nexted beside my window, and ontop of my roof. At first, I thought there was a mouse somewhere..because I could hear scratching inside my wall..but no, that was the birds hopping along the wall to build nest A. And nest B I can hear them knocking on the roof. At first I thought it was someone for some unknown reason working on MY roof, but the knocking was erratic and came in crazy burts..and when I punch the wall, I can see a bird escaping in surprise.
So..they wake me up, they are loud all day...and I can do nothing because their nests are just out of reach..and well..I can't go messing with baby birds..they are adorable..I'd feel like an ogre.
Though with two nests, I can constatly see them flying back and forth past my windows, the shadows alert me for a moment, I'm not used to having things pass by like that..
Oh well, I'll live.
I'm catalouging all of my characters with a brief summary of who they are and such..it's taking very long, but it's great for my whole mental process.